Reflection--- Serious thought or consideration
Every day we wake up is a new opportunity of growth. Today, is my opportunity to seize life where I am at. However, I also needed a few reminders. It's very easy for me to feel like this Bipolar thing has control over me. Sometimes, this may be a little true. But, the truth is, that we are all in control of the choices we make. Today, I took some time in reflection. I often times feel like...I have felt this way before and gone through it, why is it back? So, I decided to read my own words along this journey. As I have felt symptoms of depression, mania, and overall self doubt. I have often turned to writing as a way of expressing these feelings. I am not the best in person communicator when it comes to serious things. I like to pretend all is ok and come across as a little bit of a jokester when I try to talk serious. Laughing is my cover for being uncomfortable. But, against a screen, it's not as much in my face and I have real time to think. Throughout the two years I have been on this blog, I have attempted to regroup many times and haven't always been the most successful at sticking to my well-intentioned plans. I have addressed parenting, being a wife, being a diabetic, being bipolar, being a Christian, and I'm sure more. As a parent, I only have a few years remaining to truly influence my children before they enter into adulthood. As a wife, I have almost 20 years of marriage and yet sometimes feel like I am not a partner. As a diabetic, I still struggle with the day to day monotony of the disease. And as a bipolar, I still hit those intersections in life where I decide if I'm braking, Easing in, or Flying through the red light. As a Christian, I struggle to find balance between throwing myself all in and just being a Child of God. However, a wise person (sister) I know said.....it's just not possible to conquer more than one thing whole-heartedly at a time. That if you do, you are essentially cheating yourself out of fully committing to change. So prioritizing. That's the tough part in life. I want it ALL....doesn't everyone? You know the whole white picket fence thinking. Here's the interesting thing about the word reflection. The above meaning is the general one. But here is another definition: the throwing back by a body or surface of light, heat, or sound without absorbing it. WITHOUT absorbing it. So, in my terms I think, just don't blab through life. Take time and ABSORB what you are learning. So as for today, my personal reflection has been reading through my own words and realizing that yes you've been there, but you have sure grown through every struggle you have been faced with. And you know what, for today that's enough. Growth. Not perfection. Being better today than you were yesterday. Not all or nothing. Just enough. So until next time....take care and God Bless
