My Other Personal Journey---My Faith

As I sit down today to write my blog, I am thinking back on the journey my faith has taken.  There have been times I felt alone on my island.  There have been times where I have gone through the motions.  There have also been times where I have felt extremely connected in my Faith.

See, I have gone through a lot in my 42 years.  I have faced suicidal ideation, eating disorders, medical diagnoses, mental health diagnoses, being a wife, being a mother.  Through it all, I've tried to maintain control.  There is the error of my ways.  For me to maintain CONTROL! 

Through the years, I've seen rocks, plaques, you name it, it's out there.  Let Go and Let God.  Yeah yeah yeah.  Ok I will.  But secretly, I was still trying to run my life.  In the world of Christianity, I believe I am not alone in this.  I think it's pretty common practice to let God control when everything is running smooth.  But, in the time of trials, the times when we need Him most, we turn our backs away.

This is has been my practice for many years.  Run away from everything including my faith.  I use avoidance as a coping mechanism, a way to keep my mask on, you know the one.....The I'm ok mask of false reality.  The issue is this, it works for awhile.  The smile masks the pain. 

But at sometime, somewhere, the reality is going to peek it's ugly head out.  See, we can only pretend so long until something will happen that breaks down the walls.  For me it's usually illness.  When I have an everything is ok mask, I am usually practicing self harm.  I am either not taking care of my diabetes or not taking my medication for bipolar.  This is what I call my attempt to go numb.  And it works pretty darn well....for a short time.  Then, I'm in the bathroom throwing up from high blood sugars or fighting with everyone around me from the poor self-management of bipolar.

Truth is, people, we have to be real with ourselves, others, and God to find true peace.  I recently finished a book called The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.  I have tried many times to complete it.  I finally did!  Well, the very last chapter.....the last thing I read of the almost 400 pages was about people-pleasers.  SIGH!  Why was he calling me out of my zone?  Why...because it's not a healthy place to be.

I won't bore you with all the quotes I highlighted in the book, but one that sticks out with me is this.  Even God can't please everyone.  That's right, even the God of our universe can't satisfy everyone's wants.  Often times, we are tested by Him to grow and learn.  But, if we are so caught up in pretending, will we even learn the lesson?

So, I've done a little bit of rambling this morning.  In closing, from the title of one of my other favorite books, "Girl, Wash Your Face"  Pull off the mask and let's be real with one another.  Let's reach out to God in our celebrations and in our crisis.  Let's turn our faith to him and let go of that thing we think is control.  Cuz, as Dr. Phil would say....."How's that working for you?"  And my answer would be, not that well.  I'm left with despair and self destruction. 

I hope from this blog, you take away that faith is a journey.  And if we were to graph our journey of life, it would not be a straight calm life.  So, let's put God in our pocket and in our heart.  Let him pull us through.  We can do life together.

Take care and God Bless!