Baby Steps and the All or Nothing Mentality

A baby takes their first steps.  They are proud and they are in awe of the new accomplishment.

As an adult, we tend to lose the awe.  Throughout the years, I have slowly stepped away from the pride that comes with each new day and struggled with the all or nothing mentality.  I start out fresh.  I start out looking at each day as a new opportunity.  But inevitably I find myself giving up.  Frustrated with myself.  Looking at what I've done and saying it's not enough.

Maybe it's around my parenting, my marriage, my friendships.  But, often times it's around self care.  While I know diabetes & bipolar are partially frustrating.  My weight is a struggle that I seem to put aside.  I am 42 now, almost 43 and I have struggled for over 10 years with this. 

Every step I take is followed by a back step over time.  Eating, Exercise,  Me time.  All of them.  I don't want to be this way the rest of my life.  I want to be a role model.  But, I often don't know where to begin.  With this mentality, I'm stuck.

So, where do I go from here?  How can I begin to acknowledge that I am enough just the way I am.  How can I take baby steps each day and acknowledge them?

All I can do is try again.  I work well with writing things down and checking off my dailies.  So, that is where I will start.  When I went to counseling this week, I discussed the struggle.  Once I made a spreadsheet.  On it, I wrote necessity, would be nice, and extras. 

So application, necessity.  Testing my blood sugars is vital to my long term side effects.  Staying on medication is necessary for mental stability.  Eating and exercise.  Here goes the all in stinkin thinkin.  I will eat healthy, I will stop snacking, I will give up sodas.  BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.  I will workout with a trainer twice a week.  Other days, I will workout on my own for minimum of 30 minutes.  Do you think I will succeed?  Maybe for a week.  Then, I will find the backslide. 

So here's the real deal.  I will pick one meal to begin to manage.  For me, it's dinner.  I often am "tired" and don't "feel" like cooking.  I have a solid menu and don't always apply it.  So that's the game plan.  Adjust my dinners to allow myself one night of eating out.  Enlist my 2 teenage kids for help twice a week. 

Around exercise.  3x a week is reasonable.  Not 7.  And I don't have to go all in hardcore.  Walking is a baby step to success.  Move, Move, Move.  That's the theme.

So, how long do I do this to recognize successes?  While weight loss is an ultimate goal, the real why is to feel healthier.  To make it up stairs without being wiped out.  To walk to work in the 2 block tunnel without being winded.  I think a 2 week measurement is a good goal to begin with.  So here I am.  Restarting my journey to a healthier me.  Thanks to all who I know support me and will continue to be my cheerleader.  On the dark days when I feel lonely, I try to remember that I am surrounded by people who care and reach out.  Sometimes it's difficult but I know transparency will help me through.

Until next time, Take care and God Bless!