Don’t Stop Believing

I think there’s a song about that.  But for me, It’s just hard to believe in my heart.  I know I’m not alone in this battle of the mind.  I know that I’m not unique in my disbelief in my own self worth.  And most of all, I know I’m not alone in not believing that I can commit and follow through.

But, I try and keep on trying.  And for that, I give myself a round of applause.

So today, once again, I decide to persevere and continue on my journey.  I recently got a Renpho scale.  It shows you your weight and then links to an app.  The app shows your BMI, and some other data based on your height.  The realization is rough.  But, as you know, we all start somewhere.  And for me, I push on.

So here are the reality numbers

And here are my starter pictures

So, how am I going to change?  What am I going to do with myself?  The answer is I don’t know.  I’m tired of crash dieting.  I’m tired of giving up.  But, it’s so hard.  I have a support circle.  I have a wonderful fitness motivation group I belong to on facebook.  I have the access to workout things.  And what do I do?  NOTHING.  But, I have to do it.  I have to do it for myself, my kids, and my future.  I want to witness weddings.  I want to live.  I want to thrive and not just survive.  So, I am asking for support in my journey.  Support like I’ve never had before.  Whether or not I do it on my own or look at weight loss surgery.  I will make it.  I can do it.  Thanks all.  Until next time, take care and God Bless!

What box are you in?

As most of you know, my faith is very important to me.  Sometimes, in difficult times, I turn away.  But, I always circle back to my faith and what I know to be truth.

This week Water’s Edge Sermon was interesting to me.  I talks about boxes we put ourselves, others, and God into.  So, I sat and thought about it.  You know, I started this blog in 2015.  My life 5 years ago, my mental health, my physical health was in a very different place than it is now.  Mentally, I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar.  Physical, I had been diabetic for about 10 years.  Yet, the acceptance was still not there.

So, why do I bring this up?  Well my very first blog post was about this very topic.

I find it interesting that in 5 years, I still find myself in a box.  I still find myself struggling to break through and become Julie.  I think we all struggle with this at time.  Here’s what I believe to be the key.  It’s ok to operate in different boxes.  But, we have to know that we can’t do it all at one time.  It’s ok to rearrange the boxes.

Now, putting others in boxes.  That’s another tough one.  I do that.   This person is a do-Gooder.  This one is a workaholic.  Etc.  This is hard to break.

Then the final aspect, putting God in a box.  I can’t wait for my Bible study group tomorrow to talk about this.  I guess my take on it is this.  I put God in a box of “Good”. Meaning that I think he is only there for us when we are “behaving”. But, this isn’t true.  God is there in thick and thin.  He is there to help us through the bad times and celebrate the good times with us.  He isn’t only there when you are doing great in all your boxes.  He’s there to lift you.  He’s not only there when you are happy and nice and all rainbows and smiles.  He’s also there to pull you out of the tunnel.  When we think he’s gone and we don’t have any hope.  There he is, patiently waiting for our call.  This is hard for me.  When I am in a dark place, when I feel imperfect, I think I’m successful at hiding from my Faith.  Yet, he sees all and knows all in our hearts.  We are all works in progress and the teacher is always silent when you are being tested.  So, just remember, he is still there in your room, in your heart, in your darkness.  Reach out in prayer, journal, whatever your outlet may be.  Reach out and he will respond with open arms and ears.

Until next time, Take care and God Bless!