Imperfect Progress

“Progress. Just make progress. It’s okay to have setbacks and the need for do-overs. It’s okay to draw a line in the sand and start over again—and again. Just make sure you’re moving the line forward. Move forward. Take baby steps, but at least take steps that keep you from being stuck. Then change will come. And it will be good.” Excerpt From Unglued Devotional Lysa TerKeurst https://books.apple.com/us/book/unglued-devotional/id585301325 This material may be protected by copyright. So, today I saw my counselor after about 3 months of pretending everything was ok. Truth is, I haven't been ok. I stopped my psych meds about a month ago. She asked me why. I said I don't think they were helping me. So, we dug deeper. She said, are you worse on or off the meds. Clearly, the answer is off. The spiral begins and I feel like I am sinking. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 11 years ago and the age of 35. At that time, I felt like it was a blessing because I could put a title on the feelings I have. But, over the 11 years, I have struggled to accept that this will be with me the rest of my life. So, I go "numb" But, the numbness comes with darkness and self doubt. It comes with a dark tunnel that is so hard to find my way out of. So, We discussed more. She said to me, you have established a support system around you of people with different specialities. She said lean into them and let them help you. She said you wouldn't come to me for medication or cooking advice, but you have people in your corner. Don't try to self cure. WOWZERS. That was eye opening for me and 100% accurate. So, today, she said see you next week and I commit to digging deep. Thursday, I see a new psychiatrist and get some fresh eyes on my treatment plan. My encouragement to ya'll today? Take a step back. Are you a better you than you were yesterday or working towards that goal? If you answered yes, that's a success! I sometimes feel like I am stuck and not progressing. But, I'm no longer hospitalized every 6 months for poor self care with my diabetes. I no longer wallow in self pity without reaching out. Progress people, progress! So tonight, I sat to read my devotional and ta dah...there God was in the midst of it all reminding me that I'm right where I'm supposed to be and he is right beside me on my path. So for now, I will go and remind myself that you are continuing to grow and learn and become the a better version of yourself. Take note! Until next time, take care and God Bless!