Learning the Love Languages

"Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.  No one has ever seen God.  But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us."  1 John 4:11-12

Awhile ago, my husband and I went to counseling to revitalize our relationship goals.  As I have said before, sometimes we take on other roles and forget about the foundation of our relationship.  One of the principles we talked about were the 5 love languages.  Everyone communicates and desires different things in any relationship.  However, we often assume the other knows what we want without speaking it.  I was once told that the gap between expectation and reality is misery.  I believe this to be true.  We all have expectations in life and some are so lofty that they just can't be met at that level.  So, as we lower our expectations and come closer to reality, the less misery we feel.

Here are the five basic languages of love according to Gary Chapman:

Words of Affirmation--Using positive words to affirm the one you love.
Gifts--Giving thoughtful gifts to show you were thinking about someone.
Acts of Service--Doing something that you know the other person would like
Quality Time--Giving your undivided attention.
Physical Touch--Holding hand, Putting a hand on the shoulder, Hugging

According to Gary, many couples earnestly love each other but do not communicate their love in an effective way.  If you don't speak your spouse's primary love language, he or she may not feel loved, even if you are showing love in other ways.

In today's society I think we are rushed through relationships and often times land in a pool of disappointment.    Today, let's commit to making a change.  Don't overhaul because this may lead to disappointment as well.  What small change can you make in your interaction with others to make a difference? 

For me, I am going to commit to listening.  I am quick to rebuke others statements.  I often times find myself coming up with the response before they are finished. 

Father, help me to be a student of my spouse.  I want to know how best to show my love.  Please give me wisdom as I try to determine my beloved's love language.

Until next time....take care and God Bless!

Transparency in Difficult Times

So easy it is to put on a mask and pretend everything is going great.  This I call acting, and I am downright good at it.  My last post was about picking a new fork.  I committed to being a more positive person.  Well, here I am talking about my struggle in positivity.

Lately, I have been going through some personal turmoil and am letting it drag me down.  This turmoil is multi-faceted.  Both at home and in myself, I find myself searching for perfection.  Reality is this isn't possible.  I want my life to be the Brady Bunch and my weight to fall off like it does on Biggest Loser.

Truth is, neither of these desires are real.  They are both TV Shows.  While Biggest Loser coins itself as reality television, it's the furthest thing from reality there is.

I am stuck in a tough cycle and trying to break out.  Surrounding my weight loss, I am upset because the numbers aren't moving like I think they should.  So, how do I solve it?  With food of course, cuz you know, that will help.  So, I find myself eating stuff I shouldn't.  Self sabotage.  I am better at that then acting.

So, today I am transparent.  Reaching out to my support groups and saying that I am struggling.

I am so much stronger than I used to be though and know I can conquer.  I just have to know that my road will not be perfectly straight and flat.  Bumps and swerves will come.  I have to embrace them and not let them run me.

Take care and God Bless!