Behind the Mask

Ahh........Who doesn't love a good masquerade party????  Don't we all. It's all good, right?  Well all good.....until you crash into the reality called life. 

I have learned to hide behind masks all my life.  I have learned to make believe through anger, sadness, hopelessness, and even sometimes manic episodes.  I  have had masks through my marriage, my parenting, and various other relationships in life.

However, I have been working very hard in counseling to pull these masks off one by one.  I have learned that the method of lies and masks just causes things to cave in and snowball around you and cause stress.

So, here I am, naked.....EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK  Look out Ethel!  lol

I am ready to take on the world minute by minute, piece by piece learning every step of the way.  I am ready to look at my marriage as a partnership and knock the wall down that I have had around myself. 

I know......watch out Julie......you're going manic.  Well, I feel a little different this time.  See mania is an interesting thing for me.  I think mania is another mask to hide fear.   I fear being alone or unaccepted.  Therefore, I do the core things people in a manic episode do.......spend money and get overinvolved.  But there is a key piece to mania I have recently discovered.  Loneliness.  It's funny.  People seem so happy in manic states.  But, behind the "mask" is sadness.  That's why this is different.  I am heading into life head first but not alone.  I have a family filled with love supporting me and a newfound partnership in my marriage.

I kinda babbled this time.  But, I guess my overall point is.........when life seems to much to handle.  Don't put on the mask and hide.....step out from behind the mask and reach out for help.  Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

Take care and God Bless