Traversing through a Yellow Light

Driving through life can seem like a simplistic task.  Green Light----Go.  Red Light-----Stop.  But what happens when you hit a yellow light.  Proceed with caution.....prepare to stop.....what is the right move to make.  Today I find myself coming up to a yellow light and wondering what to do.  As a mom of two busy kids, I am finding myself at the yellow light of depression.  I have been playing single mom for almost two weeks now at home.  While life is still happening, I find myself frozen in self care and struggling to realize that I have to make my life happen still.  There is this quality that I have that I don't always enjoy.  It's anxiety.  It comes in many forms for me.  As of late, it is the fear that I am not doing enough to enstill my kids happiness.  While my heart knows that I am a great mom full of supportive behaviors my stinkin' thinkin' is hitting hard.  In the past few days, I have found myself smiling even laughing on the outside but in the inside beginning to feel somewhat empty.  I have placed my own needs on the backburner and forgot to put on my own oxygen mask.  As I described to my friend, I feel like I'm standing in quick sand and searching for the rope to pull me out.  I know a lot of analogies, but I am a very visual person and that's how I roll.  At any rate, sometimes when I am driving on the road, and I see a yellow light, I pause for a moment.  Do I give it gas and go through?  Do I drive normally through the yellow with caution?  Or do I put on the brakes and stop?  When at a crossroads like this in life, I try to apply the same thoughts.  I don't think gassing and going through is the right answer.  This just puts a mask over reality.  On the other side of the spectrum, putting on the brakes isn't going to work either.  I choose this option often and find myself stuck in a place where I can't seem to get out of.  That is what I have been doing.  So today, I need to slowly release the brake and ease into the intersection of life.  Where do I begin?  The only answer I have to this question is the answer my counselor has given me many times.  By looking at myself.  I cannot begin to help anyone unless I begin to pull myself up.  I have GOT to get back to working out.  It's the one thing that I do for ME.  Just for ME.  Not because anyone else makes me but because I want to help MYSELF feel better.  There lies the anxiety.  I did my best when I came to work and worked out before hand.  But it's been so long......EVERYONE will watch me.....You know, because that's what everyone is there for to watch me.  Sigh.  The problem is this.....I can be encouraged, challenged, and make promises.  But, until I decide that I am worth it, it is a mood point.  So character building.  What a tough one for me.  Realizing that the love and kindness others feel about me and the kindness and love I treat others with is what I need to learn to treat myself with.  I am a work in progress but I am not alone in the progress.  I am surrounded by supportive people who want to see me succeed.  So today.....I shall pull my boot straps up and let go of the emergency brake.  I don't know what that intersection holds for me, but know that as long as I stand still, I am getting nowhere.  So, please send some prayers and good vibes my way as I begin to fight an episode of anxiety and mild depression.  My counselor is there and working me through it.  Love you all...Take care and God Bless!