The Healing Process of Writing

Hi all.....I know it's been almost a year since I posted. Well, this year has been really tough for me and I have spent very little time on myself. Emotionally, I have been a roller coaster mess. Physically, I have gained weight and struggling. On Aug 1, I got diagnosed with Vertigo. I have had many illnesses but this one knocked my for a loop. On Aug 16, I began to work from home on an accomodation from work due to the vertigo. YAHOO....right? Well, at first I thought so. But, this lasted almost 2 months and the mental games began to take over. Being alone is not good for bipolar, depression, or anxiety. So, I secluded in my head. I continued to gain weight and sink into my hole. Thankfully, I have a wonderful church that has helped me get out, but I still found darkness. So, today, I remembered when and why I started blogging. It became an escape and release for me. It allowed me to get things out of my head and in hope it helps others in the same suffering. So, today, I went back and read my blogs. See in life, I feel like we dwell on the things we haven't done or changed. For me, I have not lost weight, I have not conquered the depression, I have not fixed diabetes (Which isn't possible) But, you know what I have done? I have grown and learned. I have continued to try. I haven't stopped and given up on progress. Sometimes, that is all that matters. A couple years back, my mom and sister and I chose words for the year. Persistance was mine. This still holds true. I have not given up. So, how am I? Diabetes----My A1C is 6.4 which is the average blood sugar in a 3 month period. Ya'll in the depths of the depression and chaos, this was in the teens. Faith----I have continued to search for a home and have finally found it at Grace Hill here in Omaha. Church is to be a safe place; a place where you don't feel judged; a place for peace and renewal. This is what I have found and feel so blessed to have found this. Depression/Bipolar---So, this is a huge area of not giving up and always looking for the better way. I refuse to be complacent in my pain and have continued to search for progress. I found a new psychiatrist and we have found a good medicinal regimen. So, what's my problem? I'm not fixed. Bipolar is filled with ebb and flow. I have decided to return to counseling as I belive that medicine is not the end all, cure all. I need someone to talk to. Weight/Physical -- Well, this is not good. I currently weigh 232 lbs and am dissapointed. While this is not my highest weight, physically I am in a tough spot. I am struggling with physical movement and it is scary. My legs cramp when I walk short distances. My back hurts consistently. My energy level is low. So....what's next? Today I can honestly say, I don't know for sure. I know it's a time to change, but I am not sure what step is next. I see my counselor on the 25th and hope to begin to build a plan to change. Often times, I have addressed superficial topics rather than the issues behind them. I want to dig deep and begin to heal. I want to learn coping mechanisms to help my daily fight with depression and anxiety. For today, I continue living and am grateful that God gave me another day. Until next time, take care and God Bless!