I'm in the Know

This morning, I was able to see my lifeline, AKA my counselor.  When I feel like I am flailing, I make an appointment and stabilization begins to occur.  Today we worked on fighting fear with facts.  Fear/Anxiety are difficult for me.  By nature, I am a worrier.  I worry about worry.  :-)  When I am in a worry state of mind, I begin to struggle with reality.  This is partly where I have been for the past week.  So here is what I know about myself:  I know that I have a process in place that helps me manage my diabetes.  I know that healthy eating and exercise are helping me to feel better in many aspects of my day.  I know that staying in touch with my support system is a vital part of my success.  I also know that taking my medication, monitoring my moods, and depending on my support system are helping me to control my bipolar episodes.  See, when I am in worry mode, I feel like I have to reinvent the wheel in all aspects of my life.  The truth is, that sometimes, we just need to slow down and get an alignment.  By recognizing the facts we are able to combat some of the unknowns.  Or if nothing else, we are able to shift our focus to things that may truly need our attention. 

So, today.....stay in the know.  Don't worry about the unknowns and savor the moment.  Take each bite of the cake as though it was the last bite!

Take care and God Bless

Managing the Madness----The Ups and Downs

Ever feel like you are in a boxing match and never got the invitation.  Well, this week, I feel like I am fighting myself and it's been a tough match. 

Diabetes: For some reason, my blood sugar decided to be a boomerang this week.  I have been high then low, then high again.  Lately with all the exercise, I have been having low blood sugars that I am learning to manage.  However, this week, with the high it left me feeling pretty crummy. 

Then comes the bipolar aspect.  Mentally, I just am in a funk.  I was in a tough manic episode for about 2-3 weeks.  Mania, the interesting side of bipolar to me.  When you first launch into an episode, you feel great.  All the excess energy balled up, so much you can accomplish.  Then for me, it manifests in other unhealthy ways.  I become super mom.  Did you know that one person can fix the world?  Well, apparently you can't.  So this week has been a slight downslide for me.  I thought, oh I am out of the mania.  But, I still have the symptoms of "Mind Twirl" as I have chosen to call it.  I have all these great ideas of things to change and ways to do it.  But, it's just not possible.  And the do all, fix all in me just doesn't like that answer.

Weight:  Well, as with the other aspects of my life this week, this too has been a struggle thus far.  I only made it to work out one day on Monday.  This is frustrating for me in many ways.  Exercise for me has become a release.  Without it, I think emotionally I am worse.  I have, however, been able to maintain my calorie counting for the week and am down 1 pound.

Friends and Support System:  Here is the up side of the week.  I am so blessed to be surrounded with people who genuinely care about me.  I have learned in the past 2 years the importance of being transparent with others.  I am a good actress.  I have been for years.  I have always enjoyed putting on a happy face and playing the game.  Here's the problem.  You are alone.  No one is there to help you because no one knows you need any help.  Now, I am not alone.  I reach out to my "peeps" and know that I am surrounded by people who don't always agree with my decisions but support me no matter what.  People who may not experience the same feelings but are there to help me through them.  People who, no matter what, don't think of me as crazy but just as someone who has issues just like everyone else in this world we live in.

Positive Spin:

This post hasn't been the most up beat post I have made.  But, you know, I am here for a reason.  I feel like this blog is my opportunity to express the truth of my life.  I also feel like there are others going through the same thing that I am and if I can help one person learn to be transparent then I have succeeded.  So, while I may be in a funk......I see my lifeline counselor tomorrow and know that will help.  I am so blessed for everything I have in my life, good and bad.  Thanks for listening.

Take care and God Bless

Just Another Manic Monday---well not really

Just a song, I am really not in a manic episode.  No one call the authorities!  Weigh in Monday is really what it is.  So last week I worked out 4 days.  I also tracked my calories.  So, I marched up to "THE SCALE" with confidence.  And SMACK right in the face it went.  197.2.  Up again!  ARGH 

Ok reality check.....it's not so bad.  What good things did you do last week.  You showed up to the gym.  You took your medicine. You handled your diabetes.  Something was just off. 

Time to converse with my personal trainer AKA my sister.  :-)  Some adjustments I am going to make:  Eliminate the 240 calories in milk I was drinking in the mornings.  Add a minimum of 1 day of working out on the weekend (Wii, Walking Tape, Resistance Bands) 

Complete some goal setting exercises (found at sparkpeople.com) to include various ways to measure progress in this journey. 

“A goal properly set is halfway reached.” ~ Zig Ziglar
 

SMART Goal-Setting Worksheet

Step 1: Write down your goal in as few words as possible.

 

My goal is to: _______________________________________________________________________________

Step 2: Make your goal detailed and SPECIFIC. Answer who/what/where/how/when.

____________________________________________________________________

HOW will you reach this goal? List at least 3 action steps you'll take (be specific):

1. _____________________________________________________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________________________________________________

Step 3: Make your goal is MEASUREABLE. Add details, measurements and tracking details.

I will measure/track my goal by using the following numbers or methods:

________________________________________________________________________________________________

I will know I've reached my goal when

_______________________________________________________

Step 4: Make your goal ATTAINABLE. What additional resources do you need for success?

Items I need to achieve this goal: _____________________________________________________

How I'll find the time: _______________________________________________________________

Things I need to learn more about: ________________________________________________________

People I can talk to for support: ___________________________________________________________

Step 5: Make your goal RELEVANT. List why you want to reach this goal:

Step 6: Make your goal TIMELY. Put a deadline on your goal and set some benchmarks.

I will reach my goal by (date): ___/___/____.

My halfway measurement will be _____________________ on (date) ___/____/_____.

Additional dates and milestones I'll aim for:
In the meantime, here's a funny I found.  We all know who's who.  :-)

In the meantime.....Take care and Carry on

PHOTO BOMB TIME!

Been awhile since I have posted some new pics.  So here they are for your viewing pleasure or dart boards, whichever you prefer.

Journey to a Healthier Me

I know, I know.....it's been FOREVER since I have posted.  Well, summer hit and chaos began.  The kids were super busy with friends for Mackenzie and fishing for Cody.  Yes, we have a fisherman among the ranks.  Then in July, we had a wedding in Washington DC to attend. After the wedding, the kids stayed out there visiting their grandparents.  They came back the day before school started. 

Now, school is in full swing.  Cody began football practice this week and is anxiously awaiting news about whether he is on JV or Varsity this year.  Mackenzie is in choir this year and liking it.  In fact, she is going to audition for show choir next week.  She has been practicing every night with friends and has high hopes.

As for Neal, he is still working as an electrician and is keeping busy with that.

Now to me.....well I have been going through my own transformation in the past couple of months.  I am calling it a journey to a healthier me.  See, I weighed in about the beginning of June and was at my highest weight of 209.  I had been attempting to lose weight since March with marginal success.  So, I thought I will lose weight, that is what I will do.  Well, the scale isn't always our friend and doesn't always make me happy.  Now, I am on a different journey.  A journey of health.

My diabetes has always been a roller coaster for me.  In and out of the hospital and just a lot of difficulty.  On came the journey.

I began with counting calories with an accountability check-in on Monday with my sister.  Results showed slowly.  Then plateau city.  Not a fun place to visit, I wouldn't recommend it.  I then decided to add fitness to the routine.  I joined a TEAM Weight Loss class at the gym and went 2-3 times a week.  I loved the class.  It was a circuit class with little intimidation.  But, it was at 6 PM at night.  This makes it difficult to maintain family needs so I began to dwindle in class attendance.

Now comes the cool part, I was invited to a work out group here at work.  They work out M-Th at 530 AM. WHAT??? You may say.  Well, I am an early riser anyways and found myself showing up for work by 6 daily.  We began as a small and mighty group of 4.  We do Leslie Sansomme walking tapes and Kettle bell workout tapes.  Now we are up to 6.  Recently we added the Pound Fit workout Tape.  This is a fun tape with the use of weighted drum sticks.  I also have a Wii at home (Which I haven't used yet :-(   Well, here comes the journey part

Through this journey, I have lost a total of 14 pounds.  YAY!  But with every journey there is a journey downward.  This week is it for me.  Last week at weigh in time I was up .8 lbs.  How could that be?  Well while I had worked out 3x last week, I had not logged any of my calories.  This week I am on day 4 of working out.  I stepped on the scale with confidence only do deflate my balloon with another gain of 1 lb.  This devastated me.  I thought for sure I was going to show a loss.  But, as we all know, there are many different factors that can affect our weight.

Here's the upside of the journey.  Every day, I am feeling more energetic.  When I began the journey, I was in a size 20W and yesterday I comfortably wore a size 16.  These are both wins for me

So, won't you join me on the path?  No judging, no discouraging, just a positive place to reflect on the roller coaster.  Thanks for listening and keep it up.  Together is a better place to be!

Learning the Curve

As many of you may know, I have always had a difficult time with my dental health.  Recently I made a large decision that would no doubt impact the rest of my life.  Through much consultation, I made the decision to have my remaining upper teeth removed and have a denture.  This decision has been an emotional roller coaster for me.  While it is a relief to be done with the constant pain, this has been a life changer for me.  Physically, I am still in quite a bit of pain due to the swollen gums.  But, for me that is only the minor adjustment I have had.  Emotionally, well, I am still holding onto the roller coaster.  Today is my first day back to work. My first real social exposure.  We will see how the day goes.  I know they look great, it's just an issue of self confidence.  Only a few days into the experience and I am learning that this will definitely be a time of growth for me.  Here is the mental game.  Will I EVER be able to eat a taco again?  Will it EVER just feel normal to have them in?  Those NEVER and EVER thoughts swarm around you like a bunch of bees, buzzing in your head.  Yes, worry.  However, I have tools to combat worry.  You fight worry with facts.  Facts are this:  People eat all the time with dentures.  You are less than a week out of surgery, pain and swelling will impact the way you eat.  There will be changes and adaptations that will need to be made in certain food circumstances.  So, time to flip the negativity.  1) It's an instant diet plan  :-)  2) Your smile has never looked better.  3) You were able to eat cheesecake without any problems (It's my favorite)  So, overall, if I can keep that trigger flipped into the head part instead of the emotional heart part, I know I can do this!  I, as always, have a lot of support surrounding me.  I am young and adaptable.  I can and will do anything I set my mind to.  So for today, I shall conquer my breakfast fear.  I have oatmeal and know I can eat it!  Until next time........chow on!

Making memories

Have you ever sat and thought about the memories and impact you have left on those around you?  I often do.  The trouble is I tend to dwell on the negative impact I may have made.  The yelling, the depression, the frustration, etc.  The positives are so much easier to cover up.  As a parent, I think we need to have a reality check sometimes and realize that we are so much more than the bumps we have encountered.  Recently, I have been organizing photos.....I know such a dreary thing for me to do  :-)  Well, although in the forefront of your head you may only remember some of the bad times.  There are soo many positive things that way outweigh them that we need to take pride in them.  I think, as humans, we tend to believe that we are the product of our past failures.  The truth is that these are all just learning experiences we should appreciate.  So, below are some photos of some of the smiles through the years.  So, sit back, enjoy the positive pictures!