Managing the Madness----The Ups and Downs

Ever feel like you are in a boxing match and never got the invitation.  Well, this week, I feel like I am fighting myself and it's been a tough match. 

Diabetes: For some reason, my blood sugar decided to be a boomerang this week.  I have been high then low, then high again.  Lately with all the exercise, I have been having low blood sugars that I am learning to manage.  However, this week, with the high it left me feeling pretty crummy. 

Then comes the bipolar aspect.  Mentally, I just am in a funk.  I was in a tough manic episode for about 2-3 weeks.  Mania, the interesting side of bipolar to me.  When you first launch into an episode, you feel great.  All the excess energy balled up, so much you can accomplish.  Then for me, it manifests in other unhealthy ways.  I become super mom.  Did you know that one person can fix the world?  Well, apparently you can't.  So this week has been a slight downslide for me.  I thought, oh I am out of the mania.  But, I still have the symptoms of "Mind Twirl" as I have chosen to call it.  I have all these great ideas of things to change and ways to do it.  But, it's just not possible.  And the do all, fix all in me just doesn't like that answer.

Weight:  Well, as with the other aspects of my life this week, this too has been a struggle thus far.  I only made it to work out one day on Monday.  This is frustrating for me in many ways.  Exercise for me has become a release.  Without it, I think emotionally I am worse.  I have, however, been able to maintain my calorie counting for the week and am down 1 pound.

Friends and Support System:  Here is the up side of the week.  I am so blessed to be surrounded with people who genuinely care about me.  I have learned in the past 2 years the importance of being transparent with others.  I am a good actress.  I have been for years.  I have always enjoyed putting on a happy face and playing the game.  Here's the problem.  You are alone.  No one is there to help you because no one knows you need any help.  Now, I am not alone.  I reach out to my "peeps" and know that I am surrounded by people who don't always agree with my decisions but support me no matter what.  People who may not experience the same feelings but are there to help me through them.  People who, no matter what, don't think of me as crazy but just as someone who has issues just like everyone else in this world we live in.

Positive Spin:

This post hasn't been the most up beat post I have made.  But, you know, I am here for a reason.  I feel like this blog is my opportunity to express the truth of my life.  I also feel like there are others going through the same thing that I am and if I can help one person learn to be transparent then I have succeeded.  So, while I may be in a funk......I see my lifeline counselor tomorrow and know that will help.  I am so blessed for everything I have in my life, good and bad.  Thanks for listening.

Take care and God Bless