My Journey

jour·ney

ˈ

noun: an act of traveling from one place to another.

                 Almost a year and a half ago I began a journey to a healthier me.  It began as an effort to lose weight, but has transformed into much more.  It has become a journey of self discovery.  I am learning that weight loss cannot only be measured by the number on the scale.  I am also learning that no matter where I am on the pathway, I must not give up.  The numbers have not moved the way I would like to say they have, but I am still pushing on.

                I have learned a lot about myself in the past year and a half.  I AM STRONG:  I am able to do far more than I ever thought I would be able to.  I AM BRAVE: I have stepped out of my comfort zone and learned new things in the process.  I AM LOVED: I have learned the importance of surrounding myself with a support group who is on their own journey.  I AM NOT ALONE: By being transparent about my journey, I have realized that everyone is on their own journey with battles and you should never feel like you are the only one on the pathway.

Behind the Mask

Ahh........Who doesn't love a good masquerade party????  Don't we all. It's all good, right?  Well all good.....until you crash into the reality called life. 

I have learned to hide behind masks all my life.  I have learned to make believe through anger, sadness, hopelessness, and even sometimes manic episodes.  I  have had masks through my marriage, my parenting, and various other relationships in life.

However, I have been working very hard in counseling to pull these masks off one by one.  I have learned that the method of lies and masks just causes things to cave in and snowball around you and cause stress.

So, here I am, naked.....EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK  Look out Ethel!  lol

I am ready to take on the world minute by minute, piece by piece learning every step of the way.  I am ready to look at my marriage as a partnership and knock the wall down that I have had around myself. 

I know......watch out Julie......you're going manic.  Well, I feel a little different this time.  See mania is an interesting thing for me.  I think mania is another mask to hide fear.   I fear being alone or unaccepted.  Therefore, I do the core things people in a manic episode do.......spend money and get overinvolved.  But there is a key piece to mania I have recently discovered.  Loneliness.  It's funny.  People seem so happy in manic states.  But, behind the "mask" is sadness.  That's why this is different.  I am heading into life head first but not alone.  I have a family filled with love supporting me and a newfound partnership in my marriage.

I kinda babbled this time.  But, I guess my overall point is.........when life seems to much to handle.  Don't put on the mask and hide.....step out from behind the mask and reach out for help.  Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

Take care and God Bless

Living Beyond Yourself

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."  Galatians 5: 22-23

So I asked my counselor, is it a good idea to join a small group at church right now.  Her answer was no that I shouldn't take anything else on right now.  But......what does she know.....she's only the professional. 

Anyhow, I went against the odds and dove in head first last night.  See, I have been in a spiritual rut.  I have been consumed with external stresses and not been able to focus on anything.  I made the decision that I needed to surround myself with the word and other believers and I'm glad I did.

Last night was the first night of the Bible study.  It is from 630-830 on Wednesday nights.  There was a large group of 18 women last night. It is called Living Beyond Yourself-Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit by Beth Moore.  It is an hour long video by Beth Moore, discussion and prayer time with homework.  ARGH HOMEWORK.  :-)  This is why I wasn't supposed to take anything else on.   In the past though, I have given up.  I didn't do my work, so I just gave up.  This time, I commit to being different.  I will do what I can.  And if I don't get it done, I commit to showing up still. 

Sometimes that's all we have in life.  The ability to show up.  We may feel defeated or tired, but we still show be it mentally or physically.

Here's the good news that Beth talked about in the introduction last night.  I CAN BE DIFFERENT!  She said "We have a now God"  God can change our lives now, day to day.  It doesn't have to be a production.  It isn't reserved for anyone else.  It's ours to claim.  We can fill our self with the spirit of God now. 

I have always felt inferior in the Spiritual department discounting the realities.  Saying, well He isn't referring to me in that passage.

I can't wait to see what the Lord has in mind for me as I progress through this study!

Take care and God Bless!