23 Hard Things in 2023

In 2022, I began following a lady on instagram who has motivated me to make some changes for the new year. My list is not complete, but this is the beginning and sorted to 2 tasks a month. Totall doable! New year, new beginning! Until next time, take care and God bless!

Persistance

Hi and Happy Wednesday! Today, I am sitting reflecting on some recent changes I've made in my routine and being grateful that I am full of perseverance. I did see a new psychiatrist and was prescribed a new medication for my bipolar. You know, sometimes, I am my worst critic. I go through life playing a game of comparison. Playing the why me game or the why not me one. Today, though I realized that I'm not a quitter. Through the bipolar, the diabetes, the arthritis, I don't give up or give in. That is something I'm clinging on to! Recently, my name came up for a gym locker here at Union Pacific. There it was, a sign. It's time to change and adapt once again. So, I buddied up with a good friend and we are committed to doing this one day at a time! Today, I have an appt with the trainer to establish a full workout routine tailor made to me. I am beyond NERVOUS and excited. After all, what if... But, this is where I let fear and the inner voice paralyze me. Not today, I got this! Sometimes, I lean on others for my strength and that's ok. But, day by day, one positive thought after another, I'm doing this. I am learning to lean on my own strength also. So, today, dig deep and know that we got this....one day at a time, sometimes, one second at a time. Until next time, take care and God Bless!

Imperfect Progress

“Progress. Just make progress. It’s okay to have setbacks and the need for do-overs. It’s okay to draw a line in the sand and start over again—and again. Just make sure you’re moving the line forward. Move forward. Take baby steps, but at least take steps that keep you from being stuck. Then change will come. And it will be good.” Excerpt From Unglued Devotional Lysa TerKeurst https://books.apple.com/us/book/unglued-devotional/id585301325 This material may be protected by copyright. So, today I saw my counselor after about 3 months of pretending everything was ok. Truth is, I haven't been ok. I stopped my psych meds about a month ago. She asked me why. I said I don't think they were helping me. So, we dug deeper. She said, are you worse on or off the meds. Clearly, the answer is off. The spiral begins and I feel like I am sinking. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 11 years ago and the age of 35. At that time, I felt like it was a blessing because I could put a title on the feelings I have. But, over the 11 years, I have struggled to accept that this will be with me the rest of my life. So, I go "numb" But, the numbness comes with darkness and self doubt. It comes with a dark tunnel that is so hard to find my way out of. So, We discussed more. She said to me, you have established a support system around you of people with different specialities. She said lean into them and let them help you. She said you wouldn't come to me for medication or cooking advice, but you have people in your corner. Don't try to self cure. WOWZERS. That was eye opening for me and 100% accurate. So, today, she said see you next week and I commit to digging deep. Thursday, I see a new psychiatrist and get some fresh eyes on my treatment plan. My encouragement to ya'll today? Take a step back. Are you a better you than you were yesterday or working towards that goal? If you answered yes, that's a success! I sometimes feel like I am stuck and not progressing. But, I'm no longer hospitalized every 6 months for poor self care with my diabetes. I no longer wallow in self pity without reaching out. Progress people, progress! So tonight, I sat to read my devotional and ta dah...there God was in the midst of it all reminding me that I'm right where I'm supposed to be and he is right beside me on my path. So for now, I will go and remind myself that you are continuing to grow and learn and become the a better version of yourself. Take note! Until next time, take care and God Bless!

What is healthy???

So, today I found out that my younger cousin was just diagnosed with Lymphoma It's a type of Cancer. See, she had breast cancer and kicked its booty and now this. So, upon this, I begin to study myself and my own self care/health. Lately, I have been stuck in a spot, paralyzed of sorts. But, I've been here before. And you know,there's a way out. It's through Faith and baby steps. Each step, one by one brings you closer to goals and a better place in life. So, today, what is healthy? Healthy is a place of contentment and intitionality. Every day, I need to live with intention. Live in a way that I am honoring the vessel on earth I have been given. Live in a way that not only makes others proud, but makes myself proud. And, I got this. So, carry on and live your life with intention. Take care and God Bless!

And so it begins…

Today is day 1 for nutrisystem. Last night we took before pictures which I'll post below. So far, here is my evaluation. Food is good. BUT, the cravings are real. I suppose it's similar to detox. But, I know I can do this and am determined to become a healthier version of me. Until next time. Take care and God Bless!

It's Here!!!!

The food has arrived!!!! Needless to say, I don't believe I will starve. With further research, I get 3 meals and 1 nutristystem snack a day. I also, get 4 servings of vegetables. 2 power fuels which are essentially proteins, and 2 smart carbs which are fruits and other misc. Feb 1 is game on! I got this! Until next time, take care and God Bless!

Faith by God

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God — not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:8 – 10 NIV 1984” Excerpt From Unglued Lysa TerKeurst https://books.apple.com/us/book/unglued/id585305608 This material may be protected by copyright I read this today in my book called Unglued. The book is about being able to control our emotions. This scripture reminded me that if I lean on my faith and know that my God is there to support us in our lives. Emotions such as anger and frustration are emotions that often cloud our real feelings. Feelings of failure and self doubt. Failure and self doubt are deep in a place that I find easy to wallow in. The poor me syndrome. But, God knows everything before we even do it. He has a path for us all and is there to support us as we traverse his path. So, as I begin my journey down the path of weight loss, it is a multi-faceted journey. One of which I seek to push the stop button when negative thoughts enter and lean on my Faith to get through. I hope to realize that God gave us the vessel and it is our job to honor this in everything we do including eating and self care. My bipolar often makes it difficult for me to understand and follow through. But, through continuation of my medication and a supportive counselor, I got this! I sent this blog to my family and with overwhelming support, I know I can do this! I am so lucky to have what I have in them and in my God and shall continue to savor this blessing. Until next time, take care and God Bless!

Imperfect Progress

"Progress. Just make progress. It’s okay to have setbacks and the need for do-overs. It’s okay to draw a line in the sand and start over again—and again. Just make sure you’re moving the line forward. Move forward. Take baby steps, but at least take steps that keep you from being stuck. Then change will come. And it will be good.” Excerpt From Unglued Lysa TerKeurst https://books.apple.com/us/book/unglued/id585305608 This material may be protected by copyright. Imperfection, such a tough word to swallow. See, I like everything in straight rows, without mess, without trouble. Hmmm, the key word here is I LIKE. But, that's just not how realy life works. Through the years of blogging, I have shared many journeys. Journeys of Faith. Journeys of diagnoses. Journeys of the roles I live. Even several journeys of my struggle with weight. I hope I have expressed the need for imperfection. Yet, here I am, January 2022, still seeking perfection and the easy way. Well, this isn't going to be easy. Life isn't easy. I will be on a roller coaster of ups and downs, but in the end I will hit the end with my arms up screaming in joy that I've made it. What am I talking about? For once and for all, I am embarking on my journey through thick and thin. For once, I am committed to staying on the coaster. I know there will be highs and lows. Good days and bad days. But, I have to do this. One time, my sister said, if I don't take care of myself, she will bury me by the time I turn 50. Wowzers. It shook me to the core. Made me think. Yet, I took no action, no commitment to heal myself inside and out. Lately, I found a counselor and am working on healing the inside. Now it's time to take hold and work on the outside. Today, I signed up for Nutrisystem. Total nervous wreck in preparation. A great feeling of enthusiasm and anxiety. Will I succeed? Will I be able to make the changes I need? Truth is, I don't know. I do know that I have a word this year. It's persistent. I will not give up and give in to the chaos. Here's the good news, imperfection is ok. As long as I stay the course and don't give up, I am succeeding. So please, cheer me on as I embark on this journey. Text me to check in and send me a cheerleader emoji. I GOT THIS! Until next time, take care and God bless!