Diabetes-----It's my Life

This is a more difficult post.  I have always been a fixer.  I have always felt that I could outsmart something and get over it.  However, diabetes has proven that it's not that easy when you have a chronic illness.  Diabetes has been one of the most difficult things I have ever dealt with as a person.  Upon diagnosis, I began to question my faith (Why would He do this to me),  my strength (How would I be able to survive)   and my self (What did I do to cause this).  Diagnosed late in life at 28, I found this to be a very difficult transition period.  After all, I had a family, how was I going to feed them if I couldn't eat ANYTHING.  Denial set it.  For several years, denial was my coping mechanism.  Often times, I would go on a spree of not taking care of myself.  Many hospitalizations followed.  Unfortunately, it became a part of my regular life.  Today, I still struggle with acceptance.  I still feel like I should be able to conquer this disease.  But, as my good diabetic friend says, we must cope with the cards we have been dealt and do our best to grow.  I have often times learned to go through the motions and still not accepted the reality.  This will be a part of me the rest of my life.  However, I am now out of the hospital for six years.  While some of this is the addition of the insulin pump in my life, a lot of it is because I am learning to thrive.  As stated in an earlier post, survival is no longer enough for me.  I want to thrive.  I want to be the mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend that has energy and feels good.  This cannot be done without good self care.  How am I doing?  Ok  I have developed a strong support system around me.  One of which is my diabetic friend.  We met upon diagnosis through JDRF.  She was my mentor at the time.  We are much more than that now, we are truly friends.  It is so nice to have someone to turn to and say this really stinks and hear someone say back I can relate.  While friends and family are there for you,  it is so nice to have a person on the same phase as you, a fellow mom, a fellow wife facing struggles of her own.  So, today, I have decided that I have diabetes, but I shall not let it define who I am as a person.  It is just a small bump in my road called life.  So, hold on to the steering wheel and stand your ground.  Thanks to all that have driven down the road with me and continue to do so.  God Bless